


You're not the only one

by Utaka14



Series: Want [1]
Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Bisexual Benedict Bridgerton, Bisexual Character, Coming Out, Gen, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Eloise Bridgerton, MLM WLW solidarity, Sibling Bonding, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:28:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28731216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Utaka14/pseuds/Utaka14
Summary: When he unfolded the paper his worst nightmare came to live. Before his very own eyes was a charcoal drawing of two men locked in an embrace, kissing passionately.FuckIn which Eloise and Benedict talk and find out they are more alike than either of them imagined.
Relationships: Benedict Bridgerton & Eloise Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton/Genevieve Delacroix (Past)
Series: Want [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123160
Comments: 22
Kudos: 187





	You're not the only one

Eloise quietly watched as the maid's silhouette faded in the distance. Now was her chance.

She quickly entered the bedchamber and shut the door softly, hoping no one had noticed her slipping into the room. She really shouldn't do this anymore. Sneaking around and looking through her siblings' belongings was hardly proper for a child let alone for a young woman of her status. But when did she care for what's proper and what's not.

Benedict had left an hour before and considering the length of his last escapades Eloise still had plenty of time to investigate. And her brother's absence was precisely the subject of her inquiry.

Lately, he vanished more frequently, often returning early in the morning, before the rest of the family started their day. While it was not unusual for one of her older brothers to come back later than appropriate, the frequency at which Benedict managed to return only after the first rays of sun had appeared on the sky was suspicious. Benedict probably thought his returns went mostly unnoticed, but Eloise stayed up quite a few times to find out when he came back.  
Of course, he still attended most of the events, he wouldn't do anything to displease their mother and attract too much attention to himself. Truth be told, she felt a pang of jealousy and betrayal whenever Benedict decided to skip an event. Because she was not able to escape herself and because his and sometimes Penelope's presence was the only thing saving her from going mad. At least before Benedict, she needn't pretend to have a good time, and he always seemed to know if it was necessary to save her from mother's good-intentioned nagging or some gentleman's boring story.

She knew her mother wanted what's best for all her children, and that is why she kept badgering them, it was all to secure a comfortable and perhaps even a happy future for them. Still, Eloise couldn't help but feel irritated, and she wondered if there was something wrong with herbecause of that. She loathes pleasantries, balls, and meeting potential suitors. And the last thing she wants is to marry and become some lord's nameless wife. Because that would surely happen. She would become someone's wife and someone's mother, and the person she is would be forgotten. All she desires is the ability to decide for herself, the chance to make a difference in this world. If that was too much to ask then perhaps there was something wrong with this world and not her.

But her biggest issue with marrying a man was...well _a man._

When she first started to become aware of her feelings, she thought them perfectly normal. Didn't everyone find women captivating? It surely looked like it with the whole ton always discussing their beauty. But after some time Eloise realized her desires were definitely not ordinary. When she dreamed about how it may feel to be held by delicate hands and what it would be like to kiss those plump, pink lips, her friends imagined themselves dancing with and being complimented by a handsome gentleman instead. And she felt so lonely and isolated from others until she heard about Lady Beaumont.  
Apparently, she found herself a lover and ran away from her husband. Of course, it was quite a scandal, but affairs like that do occur from time to time. What was different was who her lover turned out to be. Eloise eavesdropped on some servants gossiping one day and according to them the paramour Lady Beaumont fled with used to be her maid.

_God, I am not the only one out there._

But the knowledge did little to change her situation. She still couldn't talk to her family or friends about it, and she had no idea where to find another girl with similar tastes. It was painful, having to hide such a big part of herself, but they most likely wouldn't understand. Perhaps Benedict might be sympathetic if he ever learned of it because of his dislike of ton's strict rules. Nevertheless, revealing such a thing would be too dangerous for her.

But right now she had to focus on her current mission, no time for self-pity and worrying about what's to come. If she is to lose her freedom in the near future she has to do everything in her power to prevent it or at least endeavour to live freely while she still can. And that's why Eloise wanted, no she needed to find out where her brother was escaping to all the time. And if possible, to force him to take her there with him, if only for one night.

She obviously tried asking him about this mysterious place a week ago but only managed to find out it was a club of sorts where various artsy types of people met and practised their skills. She never cared much for paintings or sculptures but maybe she could find a person willing to help with her writing. If she didn't want to end up in a golden cage she needed to become independent and earn her own money. Perhaps if she managed to become a famous novelist she could secure enough finances to live comfortably without having to marry.

And that's why Eloise had to go through with the plan. She wished she didn't have to resort to such means but her brother had left her no other choice.  
She started by looking through the correspondence left on the top of the desk but nothing seemed suspicious. No dates, no unknown addresses or mysterious correspondents.

Well if nothing turned up she could always bribe the coachman to tell her where her brother is dropped off, or even better, he could simply take her there.  
Next, she tried to open the drawer, it was locked just as she suspected. Thankfully she saw her brother locking it in haste when she barged into his room without knocking a couple of months ago. He tried to act all sneaky as he put it behind one of the books on the shelf, but she caught it anyway. Luckily the key was still in the same place.

The whole drawer was filled with sketches and drawings almost to the brink. She had no idea Benedict was practising so much, his art fellows seem to really help him. Eloise decided to check if nothing of importance was hidden on the bottom of the self. She picked up several pages then stopped dead and blushed furiously.  
Before her face lay pages filled with sketches of naked women in different poses, some leaning against ancient looking columns, others sitting elegantly with glasses of wine in their hands.

She was privy to the woman's intimate parts, she was a woman herself after all but the drawings still made her red in the face. They really were beautiful, all pretty faces and lean bodies but the hands still left something to be desired. Eloise was not much of a critic but she thought they were very good. Clearly the time Benedict spent in the art club was not wasted. 

Under all the sketches, at the bottom she found an envelope. 'Well, well, well what do we have here?' she thought to herself. Eloise picked it carefully and checked for any inscription. She then opened the envelope and unfolded the page.

Her eyes winded and the piece of paper silently fell to the ground.  
\------  
Benedict crept silently through the empty hallways so as not to awaken anyone. He returned earlier than usual, so he decided to go outside, have a smoke, and relax before tomorrow. The whole family is expected to make an appearance at a ball taking place at some important marquis' estate. This meant that escaping earlier is out of the question. At least Eloise did not manage to wriggle herself out of attendance. Seeing his favourite sister frustrated by endless dances and fake pleasantries brought him no pleasure, but Benedict was not sure if he would be able to withstand it without her company.

Finally, he reached the garden's door. As he opened them the first thing he noticed was a strong smell of cigars. 'Looks like I am not the only one in need of serenity.' he thought.

Benedict walked a couple of steps closer and relief poured over him as he recognized the person occupying the garden as Eloise. It was not unusual for his sister to spend time there, but he did not expect to see her at such a late hour. Still, he was happy it was his favourite sister and not someone else, as much as he loved all of his siblings he did not have the energy to deal with others right now.

Eloise sat on the old wooden swing, pushing herself back and forth gently. Her hand held an almost finished cigar, her expression sullen. Benedict tensed immediately, something was definitely wrong. He pulled his own cigar out of the case, sat down on the remaining swing and forced himself to smile so as not to betray his worry. 'Penny for your thoughts.'

'What? Oh, it's just you,' she threw the remaining of the cigar to the ground and put it out with her shoe.

 _'It's just you?_ ' He chuckled and took a drag of his own. 'My, my, what an enthusiastic response. Are you not happy to see me any more? Has my place in the ranking of your dearest sibling changed since this very morning?' He asked in fake offence.

She exhaled loudly and replied sarcastically. 'Oh, do not worry brother, you must be aware I simply cannot withstand any moment without your presence.'

'Ha ha, I know I am your favourite, there is no need for you to be sarcastic.' Eloise smiled for the first time that night, but her countenance turned solemn once more. He passed her the cigar which she accepted. They smoked in silence for a few minutes, until Eloise mustered up the courage to speak again. 'So, how was your night?'

Well, that was not what Benedict was expecting, but he answered the question anyway. 'Can't complain. It's good not to think about balls and concerts and such for some time, you know? To leave it all behind and forget about the damn season. And yes I do know how fortunate I am. To be able to escape, if only for a while,' he added after a moment. 

'Good, at least I do not have to repeat myself,' she smiled again, although it looked just a bit forced.

'Eloise, did something happen today? I do not wish to cause you any offence, but you appear rather glum.' Maybe he should have stayed longer today, or never escaped in the first place. His thoughts raced. 'What could have caused her to be in such a poor mood?'  
Eloise signed and took a drag of her cigar, but no answer came. He would wish not to push her, in case Eloise genuinely did not fancy talking, so he waited patiently.

'I found something tonight.' she responded finally.

'Honestly Eloise? Snooping around again? I would have thought that after your Lady Whistledown investigation fiasco you had enough.' He laughed quietly remembering the whole affair. 'So, what did you find?'

Instead of replying she reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper which he instantly recognized. A light brown piece of paper he used for sketching and doodling. Of the whole family only he ever used it. He could feel himself sweating and his hand started to shake as he reached out for it. Before Benedict even opened it he already knew what he would find there. Still, he hoped he was mistaken.

But when he unfolded the paper his worst nightmare came to live. Before his very own eyes was a charcoal drawing of two men locked in an embrace, kissing passionately.

_Fuck_

Instantly Benedict felt like he was being held underwater. Everything was muffled except for the buzzing in his ear. His breathing quickened but at the same time, he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. He reached for the swing rope with one of his hands and squeezed it so hard his knuckles turned white.

Seeing her brother's distress Eloise tried to speak out. 'Benedict, I-'

He raised his other hand up clearly instructing her to stop talking. Not knowing what else to do she waited patiently.

After a few minutes his breathing became more regular and his body less stiff. He took a deep breath and asked. 'Ho- how did you get it?'

'I uncovered it in your bedchamber,' she confessed and immediately regretted telling the truth.

'Eloise! Not only have you entered my chambers without my permission, but you also looked through my belongings? You had no right to that!' he uttered as loud as he could without drawing any attention. Anger painted all over his face.

'A bit late for that now, isn't it?'

The furry in his eyes turned into fear. Benedict seemed to recall his current situation. He grabbed Eloise's hand and pleaded.

'Eloise, I- I cannot stress this enough but you cannot reveal this to anyone, I beg you. If anyone finds out I shall be finished. It will be the end of me.'

'I won't tell anyone.' 

'Eloise, please- wait, what? You will not?' he asked, confused. 'You would not lie to me, would you? Not about a matter of such importance.'

She sighed, saddened that her brother thought she would betray him but understanding his fears all too well herself. 'You needn't worry brother dear, I wasn't planning on telling anyone either way. Forgive me for making you think otherwise.'

'Right, of course,' he paused for a second, still in a state of bewilderment. 'I believe I should like to be alone now.' Benedict added and started to stand up but Eloise grabbed his hand even tighter.

'I believe I should like you to stay,' 

_'Please'_

He sat down once again.

'I apologize for going into your room, and for snooping around,' she mumbled, embarrassed.

'What were you even doing there, searching through my things? And why bring up that sketch if you were not going to tell someone?'

She opened and closed her mouth, clearly struggling to find the right words. Finally his sister seemed to make up her mind. 'Remember when I said I wanted something different from life?'

'I do remember, yes.'

'That is what I meant. The reason why I despise the constant match-making and dances. The reason why I do not wish to marry. It is because I am like that too.'

'You...are like that? Wait, do you mean…?'

Yes, I'm like you. When I picture my life, my future I do not envision myself as a married lady, standing by my husband's side.' Her whole body went tense. 'The truth is...that I can only see myself settle down with a woman.'

Well that is not what he expected to hear today, or any other day for that matter. He didn't know what to say to that.

.And when I saw the drawing I thought that I finally found someone who is able to understand my...inclinations,' she paused. 'So are you? Able to understand that is.'

'Yes, yes I am.'

They both looked at each other. Benedict chortled and then started to laugh openly. Eloise asked, surprised at his reaction. 'Why are you laughing?'

'Because it's bizarre isn't it? I never expected to even have a conversation like that. And to know that you- my dearest sister of all people- is like me? The universe really works in mysterious ways.'

'Yes, I suppose so.' she replied and joined him in laughter.

They fell silent after several minutes.

'Benedict, may I ask you about something? I don't think it's proper but…'

'I do not think anything we said today could be considered proper so ask away.'

'What about Madame Delacroix? I thought you were friendly with her? Were you just pretending?'

'I...no I was not. I suppose my tastes are simply not restricted to only one or the other.'

'Oh. I didn't know that's even a possibility.' She chuckled. 'Sorry I just never thought I would be able to talk about this with anyone as well. It's a strange experience.'

'No need to be sorry. I didn't know until recently either. But you never answered my question you know? About looking through my things.'

'Ah yes, I wanted to find out where you were going, all the bloody time. Thought maybe you would allow me to go with you so I could find a teacher to improve my writing.'

'Well I am not sure if it's a right place for someone of your age but I will think about this, alright? And even if I won't agree I will ask around and find a teacher for you.'

'You would do that?'

'Of course, everything for my favourite sister. But now it is time to retire or we shall fall asleep during tomorrow's ball and embarrass our whole family,' he chuckled and stood up.

Eloise stood up as well and looked at Benedict. 'Could we do that again? Talk, I mean. I just never had the chance and I have so many questions.' 

'I'm sure you do. And yes, if you want then we can do that again. I can't promise I will have all the answers but I will try' he smiled softly. 'But right now we really ought to return to our rooms. It was quite a day and I'm exhausted'

'Of course, let us go. But I shall hold you to that.'

'Oh, I don't doubt that.'

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. It's my first work ever, so I hope you enjoyed it! I will be very grateful for any kudos and comment. If you have any tips, critique or maybe some ideas don't be afraid to share them. Thanks again <3


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